Vivica
by Erika Skyfire
Summary: Standalone. Rated for suicidal themes. Ficlet to Jack Off Jills 'Vivica'.


Authors note: Hey. I don't know where this came from, but I was listening to Vivica by Jack Off Jill and had to make a fic about it. It's apparently a standalone, but I'd appreciate any comments you have about it. Thanks. :-) 

_**Vivica**_   
~*~*~*~   
_Oh Vivica, I wish you well   
I watch you burn in humid hell _   
~*~*~*~   
Vivica stepped into the bathroom of her hotel suite. Flipping the light switch, the first thing she saw was her reflection in the mirror. Her usually flawless face was puffy and red, her cheeks stained with tears that still slipped down, her eyes half closed and filled with pain. 

_"I'd tell you that you are beautiful... but all the other men saying it is enough, isn't it?" _

Closing her eyes and reaching to unzip her dress, she let it fall to the floor and slowly groped around herself to remove the rest of her clothing. Once undressed, she started the shower and leaned against the sink to stare at her reflection while the water warmed. 

_"I'd tell you that you are beautiful... but all the other men saying it is enough, isn't it?" _

She pushed herself from the sink and stepped into the shower. Hissing at the heat, she slowly pressed more and more of her body into the scalding streams of water. She closed her eyes again, gritting her teeth to bear the pain. Allowing the burning feeling to overwhelm her, she broke down, sobs racking her body.   
~*~*~*~   
_No sleeping pills no old tattoos   
Will save you now _   
~*~*~*~   
Twenty minutes later, Vivica pulled herself out of the shower, skin warm and flushed. Walking out of the steamy bathroom, she closed the door behind her and wandered over to the vanity set up against one wall. She averted her eyes from the mirror on the wall as she shuffled through things in a drawer. She grasped something from the drawer, pulling out the bottle of pills and glanced up. She saw the tattoo in the reflection, the ink above her heart spelling 'Stephen'.   
~*~*~*~   
_He'll never change he's just too vague   
He'll never say you're beautiful _   
~*~*~*~   
She opened the bottle and shook out two tablets, closing it and throwing it back into the drawer. She threw the pills into her mouth and swallowed with no water. Walking to her bed she quickly changed into the pajamas that were laid out, and curled up with a pillow on the bed. Slowly she drifted into oblivion.   
~*~*~*~   
_The apple falls far from the tree   
She's rotten and so beautiful _   
~*~*~*~   
_An apple rolls down a hill and Vivica watches it, her golden blonde hair rustling in the wind. She stays completely silent, only listening to the voice beside her. _

"You're so beautiful, Vivica... could I play with your hair?" 

The voice belongs to a girl with brown eyes and brown hair. Vivica nods slightly and the girl jumps up in excitement. The girl begins to comb through the long hair with her fingers, chattering good-naturedly. 

"I wish I looked like you. Even if I was alive, I wouldn't. I know I could act like you, but I'd never be as pretty as you. Then again, if I was alive, I'd probably flog mom, so it's a good thing I'm dead, right?" the girl sighed before continuing, "I wish mom hadn't gotten that abortion. I'd be able to go with you, and help. He'll never change, you know." 

Vivica smiled a bit, glancing up at the girl that would have been her sister. 

"Oh, there we go. I got you to smile. You never do that there, do you? I only see you cry." 

Vivica nodded again, oblivious to the fact that her hair was being braided into two plaits.   
~*~*~*~   
_I'd like to keep her here with me   
And tell her that she's beautiful _   
~*~*~*~   
_"Why do you always go back? I love it when you visit. You're so beautiful, you make the world seem right," the girl asked. _

Vivica stayed silent, apparently unsure why she went back herself. 

"Maybe if you come to stay, you'll give me a name. Mom never named me before the abortion. Although, I suppose that would make it more painful in the end. You know, thinking about it... I think I'd flog dad as well." 

"Who was your dad?" asked Vivica quietly. 

"Remember that tall, attractive man at all those stuffy parties mom would take you to? He was her boss... I think she thought he would fire her if she didn't abort me." 

The girl shrugged and finished one of the plaits. Turning to Vivica's other side, she started the next plait. 

"It gets awful lonely here though. Can you visit more often?" 

Vivica frowned a bit but didn't answer.   
~*~*~*~   
_She takes the pills to fall asleep   
And dreams that she's invisible _   
~*~*~*~   
_The scenery shifted around them and Vivica found herself on the floor of a crowded room. The world was spinning and she could only see light and the occasional breaks of darkness as people stepped over her. The girl was sitting next to her on her knees, looking concerned. _

The words "I'd tell you that you are beautiful... but all the other men saying it is enough, isn't it?" echo around her. 

Vivica awoke with a jump and looked around.   
~*~*~*~   
_Tormented dreams she stays awake   
Recalls when she was capable _   
~*~*~*~   
Flashes of memory fly through her mind. Meeting Stephen, the press bearing down on her for her beauty, kissing Stephen, acting a scene on stage, telling Stephen she loved him and not hearing it back. 

_"I'd tell you that you are beautiful... but all the other men saying it is enough, isn't it?" _

Vivica groaned and pushed herself out of bed to start the day. 

The day was long. She gritted her teeth and smiled so much her cheeks started to hurt. The world was so demanding, her agents yelled at her three times that morning and another two times that afternoon. That night proved disastrous after going to dinner with Stephen. 

_"Can you do something for me Stephen?" _

"What's that?" 

"Tell me I'm beautiful." 

"I'd tell you that you are beautiful... but all the other men saying it is enough, isn't it?" 

Vivica let Stephen talk when he drove her back to the hotel. 

After arriving in her room did she allow herself to sink into apathy.   
~*~*~*~   
_Oh Vivica, I wish you well   
I watch you sit I watch you dwell   
No crooked spine no torn-up rag   
Will save you now _   
~*~*~*~ After dwelling for a couple of hours, Vivica finally got up. Remembering the night, she didn't know why it was so important for Stephen to tell her she was beautiful. Then she found her answer in his words. 

"I'd tell you that you are beautiful... but all the other men saying it is enough, isn't it?" 

She only wanted him to tell her she was beautiful. Only him. She loved him. 

Vivica groaned and rushed to find more the pills, taking them hastily.   
~*~*~*~   
_Oh Vivica, I wish you well   
I'll sit right here and never tell _   
~*~*~*~   
_The girl was stroking Vivica's hair that was loose again. Vivica was mumbling incoherently between tears, clinging to the girl with whatever strength she had. The girl was murmuring softly calming words. _

"Tell me everything, I'll be here, I'll keep it secret... " 

Vivica couldn't resist. The words spilled out before she could stop herself. And the pain washed over her until she was done and then it calmed. 

"You know the solution, don't you." 

Vivica nodded slightly, her eyes vacant and her emotions apathetic. 

"Do you want to?" 

Again, Vivica nodded.   
~*~*~*~   
_No tender scar no twist of fate   
Will save you now _   
~*~*~*~   
Vivica went through her routine the next day. She spoke in monosyllables, but as she rarely talked anyway, neither her agents nor her boyfriend noticed. They chattered on about business and what her goals should be and she agreed with everything. It was a blur of actions and just as easily forgotten. 

Coming home that night, she felt relieved and oddly giddy. She went through her nightly habits of showering, completing it quickly. She wanted this done. It would complete her. She knew fate would not intervene.   
~*~*~*~   
_He'll never change, he's just not there   
He'll never say you're beautiful_   
~*~*~*~   
Laughing softly to herself, she knew that he'd never call her beautiful. Slowly opening her dresser, she chose a white slip that fitted her form nicely. Putting it on, she felt like an angel. She closed the drawer and got out her makeup. Carefully administering the cosmetics to her face, she applied white shimmer to her eyes and a pale pink lipstick to her lips. Smiling smugly, she shook her hair that was a tangle of wet ringlets, satisfied at how she looked. 

She walked over to her vanity and opened the drawer, taking the bottle of pills out and closing it. Walking over to her bed she arranged herself comfortably on it and smiled. Turning to her bedside table, she frowned at the picture of her boyfriend and picked it up, throwing it across the room where it smashed into her vanity mirror. 

Feeling content, she opened the bottle and began pushing pill after pill into her mouth.   
~*~*~*~   
_Oh Vivica, I wish you well   
I really do... I really do..._   
~*~*~*~   
At noon, the next day, her agents banged on the door. 

"Vivica! I know you're in there! Where have you been all morning, I've paged you twenty times! And you missed the meeting with the Barrisford photographers! Vivica? Vivica, if you don't open this door, I swear you're fired..." 

In the room, amidst the clutter of makeup and discarded clothes, was a bottle with pills spilling out of it. 

"Alright, that's it, if you aren't prepared to see me, too bad!" 

There was a sound of affirmation from the hotel rooms lock and the door burst open. 

Laying on the bed was a golden haired beauty, blue eyes wide open and blank. 

"Oh God! Vivica!" 

The woman at the door scrambled over to the bed, snatching up the phone and dialing 911.   
~*~*~*~   
_The apple falls far from the tree   
She's rotten and so beautiful   
I'd like to keep her here with me   
And tell her that she's beautiful   
She takes the pills to fall asleep   
And dreams that she's invisible   
Tormented dreams she stays away   
Recalls when she was capable _

  
She's empty and so beautiful   
I'd like to keep her here with me   
~*~*~*~   
_In a world not like any Vivica had visited, she ran in the wind. The girl, little Charlotte, Vivica had decided to call her, ran with her, laughing and twirling in the breeze. The world was an endless picture of mountains, plains, and grass. Sunshine gleamed off the dewy blades of grass, and the water tickled her bare feet. _

Vivica knew her agent had called for help, but she was too in her wonderful world of emptiness that it was too late. Her boyfriend neither cried nor rejoiced; he enjoyed the attention of dating a beautiful model, but felt no sorrow from her death. Her agents felt dejected until they met the next beautiful woman - Lorraine - who managed to bring in more profits then Vivica ever did. 

Running in the wind was wonderful, Vivica decided. She felt gloriously empty, devoid of emotions, but riddled with attachment to her calm realm. 

Charlotte beckoned her ahead and up into the air, her small back showing white wings. With a smile, Vivica chased after her. Freedom made her sprout wings and fly, never once stopping.   
~*~*~*~ 

_**Finis**_


End file.
